The End.

It’s the end of 2015. Where do I even begin, writing about how this year was for me? Many tend to review their resolutions they had at the start of the year. Mine was to chase after the things I love and what makes me happy. Sounds simple, right?

To put it bluntly, it was a terrible year. If 2005 was the toughest year for me, 2015 would be ranked as my second.

Tough in every aspect: physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. My hands caved in to the immense pressure I had put them under at work. I lost a best friend. I broke a heart and had mine broken twofold. I had a lot of questions and doubts about my faith, to the point where the struggle with spiritual frustration was so real to me.

It was an extremely draining year, and now looking back, I wonder how did I manage to get through it all. I took a very deep plunge this year, and it gave me a tiny glimpse of what my dad must have felt years ago. It was a moment of darkness that was too much to bear, and I knew that I had to rid myself of this terrible feeling one way or another. I just didn’t know how to go about it or how long it’d take for me to recover.

But deep down, I knew I needed this pain. This is very difficult for me to admit, because admitting to it means accepting the reality of my situation. I tried to pursue happiness at the start of the year, but instead I watched my life fall apart – slowly, steadily, and surely. It has almost been a year, and I’m still working on piecing my life back together again. My healing is a work in progress, something that I know will take a very long while.

Perhaps in the pursuit of happiness, I was chasing in the wrong direction. I tried to chase after what made me happy and what I loved. But I didn’t realise that I first have to be happy from within and to love myself, before accepting them from others or other things in life. It takes a lot for a person to attain self-confidence, to be self-assured in one’s own skin in this judgmental world that we live in. I am no where near being comfortable in my own skin, but I know that I have a Father who loves me very much for all my merits, for all my flaws, even when I find it so difficult to love myself.

Despite all my personal trials and tribulations, I am incredibly thankful to God for the year that has just past. A similar heartache was experienced four years back, and I subsequently gradually fell away from the faith because of that. This year, even after all the pain that was infinitely greater than the last, I found myself clinging onto Him even more. Maybe over the years I’ve matured enough to know what is important in life, to understand and realize where my priorities lie. Of course there were times when I didn’t feel like God was with me, that He was far away and left me alone to experience life independently. But just because I felt that way, it didn't mean that He was never close by watching me, ready to catch me when I stumbled.

I am thankful that He has carried me and walked me through the past year, because I know I would have never been able to do it alone with my own strength.

What I’ve learnt in the year is that it’s okay not to be okay, that everyone hurts, that it’s okay for others to see/feel your pain. I made myself more vulnerable than I should have, placed myself in difficult situations, and put myself out of my comfort zone. It takes A LOT of courage to take a leap of faith. Maybe that leap will make you fly, or maybe it will make you fall; but even when you fall, there will always be a way back up. Always. 

Sometimes, your life has to fall apart for it to get pieced together again.

Change

So, it's been a long while since I've updated this space. Six months may seem like a short time, but so much has changed.

As the new year began, I made a promise to myself that I would chase after the things that I love and what makes me happy. Three months in, and though I wouldn't use the phrase 'so far, so good', I would say things can only get better from here.

Photo courtesy of @the_keygs

One of the things I do love, but rarely have the chance to do so, is traveling. It's especially difficult for people in my industry to go on vacations, much less multiple ones! At the start of the year, I went on a much needed holiday to Boracay with some close friends from church. It was the first time traveling with this bunch that was not a mission trip up to Thailand, so that was pretty awesome :)

Looking forward into the next few months, I'd be traveling a little more too. Batam, Chiangmai, and *maybe* Phuket :)

Work-wise, I've more or less settled into my new job, which I'm pretty contented with at this point in time. It's flexible enough for me to have the occasional dinners with friends to catch up, to attend church and lifegroup, or to travel overseas, so that's always good. I feel very fortunate to have found a line of work that I love, and it's a very surreal situation to be in.

I've picked up reading again. It's been a very long while since I bought a book off the shelf. I miss the feeling of being immersed in a book, an escape from reality, to make me forget for a little while. Definitely hope I'll continue to pick up new books along the way, so please feel free to recommend me on any good reads you might have in mind! :)

Most importantly, I've started doing my quiet time daily again. Something happened a few years back, which gradually made me stop doing my QT altogether, just because. So I'm glad I'm back on track, even though it took me years to regain my foothold again.

I guess these are most of the things I've decided to chase after this year. There have been other things that I love and makes me happy, which I've tried to chase after too. But sometimes love does not equate to happiness; love involves the occasional heartaches. Things will get better though, over time.

Okay I don't know what to say anymore, but hopefully this update will just serve as a reminder to myself that this space still exists in this virtual world.

New Chapter

Ferris Wheel taken at Coney Island, New York (used my film camera)

After bumming around for more than two months, I'm finally starting work tomorrow!!!

Once I was done at Eleven Madison Park mid July, I holiday-ed in New York until end August before returning back to Singapore. I didn't look for a job straightaway because I still had to settle some complicated administrative work regarding my citizenship, which I knew would take a long while and many appointments. (I held two passports but Singapore only allows one after you turn 21)

Only when everything was settled did I then start searching for jobs. Anyways it doesn't hurt to take a long break, right? Vacations like these would definitely be rare for me in the near future.

I'm pretty excited about my new job actually, which is good! This would also be my first full-time position ever! Prior to this, I've been working as a part-timer or intern, so the duration of my work at various places have been fairly short, the longest being six months.

Praying that God will guide me through this new adventure and chapter in my life!

Burgers in NYC

I've been back home in Singapore for two weeks now. Absolutely missing New York at this moment :( But I've managed to catch up with my family and friends so I'm happy :)

I have completely procrastinated for many months about blogging about New York, so I guess better now than never right? I'm sure many are interested to know where are some good places to eat when they visit the city and since I had the pleasure of dining at various places during my stay there, I've decided to categorize all of them based on the cuisine/type of food.

So first off would be BURGERS, since it was literally the first thing I had when I landed in the Big Apple.

1. Shake Shack 

Single Shack Burger with Lemonade

My go-to burger joint if I'm ever craving a burger in the city. In fact, out of all the different places I've gone to for burgers (i.e. the following on this list), Shake Shack is the only burger I've eaten multiple times. I've tried the rest only once. Usually because it was a miss, novelty, or didn't have the chance to revisit.

Shake Stack

I've only had this twice, but the Shake Stack is BEYOND AWESOME!!! Why? Not only because there's a bread-crusted deep-fried portobello mushroom added onto the Single Shack burger...

LOOK AT THAT OOZING CHEESE GOODNESS!!!

...BUT BECAUSE IT IS A PORTOBELLO STUFFED WITH CHEESE!!!!!

HOW CAN YOU COMBINE SO MUCH GOODNESS INTO ONE BURGER??????!!!!!!!

Maybe I'm being biased because I really really love mushrooms and beef and occasionally cheese, but still! The melted cheese in the portobello was still piping hot when I bit into the mushroom, so a really big thumbs-up for this burger :D Love love love it!!

Shake shack also offers pretty good custards/milkshakes, with the standard chocolate and vanilla flavours and a flavour of the day for each day! And the previous day's flavour in a pint is sold at a discounted price the next day!

Just as how In-and-Out is to California, Shake Shack is to New York. It is a MUST TRY if you visit the city. Check out their website here for their various locations, in New York and outside of it!

2. Umami Burger

Umami Burger

Blogged about my experience at Umami Burger before. I would say that some of their flavour combinations are interesting, so do drop by to check it out if you've got the chance! I didn't manage to head back for a second time though.

Locations and menu here!


3. Mighty Quinn's (Smorgasburg/Brooklyn Flea)

Beef Brisket Burger topped with BBQ Sauce and Slaw

I've heard from friends about Mighty Quinn's being one of the better barbecue places in the city and I happened to chance upon it while I was walking around the Smorgasburg/Brooklyn Flea at Williamsburg.

Smaller menu at Smorgasburg/Brooklyn Flea

Decided to get their Lil' Brisket Burger. It was quite a handful to eat though. But it was really good nonetheless! I love eating coleslaw with barbecued meat because it adds a nice freshness needed to counter the smoky rich goodness of the meat.

Even though Smorgasburg/Brooklyn Fleas are only held on the weekends, fear not! Mighty Quinn's restaurants can be found in Manhattan, Brooklyn and New Jersey! Just check out their website here for their locations and menu offerings!


4. Ramen Burger (Smorgasburg)

Yes, this trademarked burger that has received a lot of attention from around the world. Finally had the chance to taste this burger sensation at Smorgasburg at Pier 5.

First impression on the first bite? Meh. It really isn't something THAT fantastic, only fascinating. Ramen should just remain as ramen. Burgers should just remain as burgers, as it is. In my honest opinion anyways.

But of course, I would encourage any of you to try this at least once. Because that's the spirit of being adventurous I guess? Locate them by visiting their website here!


5. Lucky's Famous Burgers

Lucky's Cheddar Burger with Onion Rings

With the same colour scheme of a famous fast food restaurant, I thought this was just going to be another run-of-the-mill burger joint. But I was proven wrong! They have some fantastic offerings and what I like about Lucky's is that you can customize your burgers - patty, cheese, sauce, toppings, bun - ALL OF IT! The best kind of option to offer to really picky eaters like me! :D

And I really love well done breaded onion rings, so Lucky's did deliver in this aspect, which made me a really happy customer :D

It was barely busy in the outlet I went to (at East Houston Street), so I'm not too sure if they're not that well known in the city, if it was just the day and time I was there or the location of the outlet itself. It really is quite a good burger joint to get your burger fix!

Look them up on their website here for locations and menu offerings!


6. Five Guy's Burgers and Fries

Photo courtesy of http://www.myballard.com

This burger joint started off as local restaurant in Washington, D.C. and eventually franchised themselves across the US. Still serving hand-formed burger patties even after 20 years! Didn't managed to get a photo of the burger I got because Duane ate it too fast -.- But from the picture above, can really tell the patty is hand-formed! It's like a squished meatball!

And the burger is pretty decent!

FREE TOPPINGS!!!

Their menu is really limited, a good example of quality over quantity. Another good thing about Five Guys is obviously their FREE TOPPINGS! Who doesn't enjoy piling up their basic burger with free toppings???

Free peanuts!!!

They also provide free peanuts too! I remember not eating most of the peanuts I took away though. Instead, I gave them to the squirrels in the park ^^v

There are a couple of outlets in the city so give it a try! Information about them can be found on their website!


7. New York Burger Co.

New York Cheeseburger
Photo courtesy of New York Burger Co.

I remember eating at Chipotle right before heading into this burger restaurant, so I think Duane and I only shared the cheeseburger if I'm not wrong? And onions rings to go with it! The patty was pretty juicy, though this burger didn't make an impressionable impact on me. But then again, it was just a cheeseburger, so maybe if I had tried a different burger it would have been a different story?

Onion Rings
Photo courtesy of New York Burger Co.

I personally prefer breaded onion rings, but their battered onion rings weren't too bad! 

Check them out to here to see where they be at!


8. Smoke Joint

This joint got featured on Food Network's Diner's, Drive-ins and Dives so I just had to go check it out! After all, Joe's Cable Car got featured on Triple D and I really loved it a lot so nothing to lose right? (*Sidenote* Joe's Cable Car closed down in March this year though :( Because the owner, Joe, was retiring. But I'm glad that I managed to eat there at least once!)

It's not really a burger place, but as its name suggests, more of a barbecue joint. The smoked meat are served in platters, but we opted to have them as burgers.

Pulled Pork Burger with Slaw and Pickles

Beef Brisket Burger with Slaw and Pickles

Brooklyn Wings and Mac n Cheese

But to be honest, it tasted anything but ordinary to me. It's not bad, just not that great. Maybe I had too high expectations? Oh wells! I wouldn't mind popping by the area though, just for a sweet treat that I've included at the end of the post!

The Smoke Joint

87 South Elliott Place, Brooklyn, NY 11217

Tel: 718-797-1011

9. Bark Hot Dogs

Photo courtesy of glenwoodnyc.com

I guess it would be a bit strange to go for their burgers here when they've got the words 'hot dogs' in its name, but they were honestly not too bad! It's a really warm and inviting restaurant located pretty near the Barclays Center. 

Photo courtesy of Caroline Russock via aht.seriouseats.com

Photo courtesy of Caroline Russock via aht.seriouseats.com

Battered onion rings again...which turned out to be pretty decent. One of the better battered onion rings out there!

They do catering too, which I find pretty awesome. Just check them out their website for more information about it!

Bark Hot Dogs

474 Bergen Street, Brooklyn, NY 11217

Tel: 718-789-1939

10. Smashburger

Photo courtesy of Smashburger

It's a typical burger joint pumping out the usual favourites, along with a few quirky creations of their own, such as the Avocado Ranch Veggie Black Bean Burger. They do also allow you to create your own burger, so that flexibility on the menu is a plus point too!

Haystack Onions
Photo courtesy of snackfixation.com

THIS. This was good. Crispy and well-seasoned. I approve!!! Just that it's advisable to order this to share, because it gets a bit gelat (Malay expression to denote extreme weariness of repetition) after eating so much of it.

Look them up here for more information about their menu and locations!


11. Corner Bistro

Bistro Burger

Corner Bistro is considered to be one of those veterans' to be on such Best Burger in NYC lists, so I was pretty excited to try it!

Photo courtesy of quiksilverpronyguide.wordpress.com

Located in West Village, Corner Bistro might be a little difficult to locate and you might just walk by it without realising, so look out for its neon sign! It's a small place with just a couple of tables and a bar, and also has a very straightforward menu. But the food that comes out of the kitchen is incredible simple and delicious! I would recommend going for the Bistro Burger or Chili Burger. My only gripe would be that the patty could've used more salt? Other than that, I would definitely recommend anyone to check out this place to have drinks and burgers with your friends.

Corner Bistro

331 West 4th Street, New York, NY10014

Tel: 212-242-9502

12. Burger Heaven

It may be named 'Burger Heaven', but this diner serves up not just burgers, but breakfast food and sandwiches too! Saw it on some burger list I browsed through on the website so I decided to give it a try with Duane one day.

Burger Heaven Burger with Curly Fries and Coleslaw

Burger Heaven Burger with Coleslaw

If you're wondering why there are 2 portions of coleslaw in the photo above (obviously my plate), it's because I switched out the fries for another portion of coleslaw. Initially I tried to switch it to onions rings, but the staff wouldn't allow it, so we got those as a side instead.

Onion Rings

I was pretty disappointed with these though. On the menu it read 'Crispy Onion Rings', but these didn't stay crispy past a few minutes :( Plus it cost about USD$7 and the portion was so little! 

Overall, I would say the burgers and overall meal here was average. The burgers were great but the onions rings was such a let down! Wouldn't mind going back for their burgers I guess!

13. Schnippers

Photo courtesy of Nick Solares via aht.seriouseats.com

The burgers here are really well prepared here - toasted bun, fresh condiments and a patty so juicy and packed with flavour. It's a decent place to go to for your burger fix! But it's not their burgers I'm really crazy about though. 

Photo courtesy of tasty-eating.blogspot.sg

BECAUSE I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEIR ONIONS RINGS! Thick cut and breaded, how not to love??? Just like how I've gone back to Shake Shack for their burgers multiple times, I've gone back to Schnippers just for their onion rings SO MANY TIMES! Doesn't help that both Shake Shack and Schnippers are located a minute away from my old workplace! This one here really reminds me of Joe's Cable Car onion rings, which is saying a lot, considering that I've tried so many other places serving up breaded onion rings!

Orders take quite a while to be made, but I assure you it'd be worth it! Affordable and quality tasty food is seriously the best combination. Definite recommendation to try this place!

Click here to find out what else they have to offer and their various locations!


14. Homecooked!

Nothing better than cooking your own burger, because you can customize it and add whatever condiments you want!! Pictured above is an 80/20 beef patty seasoned with salt/pepper/garlic powder/onion powder topped with slaw, corn, caramelized onions and bacon, sandwiched between a grilled potato burger bun. I cooked it twice in a day. First time for my lunch and the second for dinner (for Duane to try). Super yum!!!


Overall, I would say this list of burger joints is pretty decent. Only missing places serving up gourmet-esque burgers I guess? But who cares about it being gourmet or not? What does gourmet even mean??? As long as it tastes awesome right??

I hope this list helps whoever is intending to travel to New York! Or the States in general since there are a few places are located outside of New York as well.

If you've got any other favourite burger joints in the Big Apple/States, please feel free to leave a comment so I can visit them if when I go back to the States!

...

*BONUS*

This is for everyone, but especially for my fellow Singaporean friends: FRESH SUGARCANE JUICE. The closest you can find, albeit not being chilled with ice.

Sugarcane juicer I am so not familiar with

It's a sugarcane juice stand located next to The Smoke Joint and situated right next to a neighbourhood deli. I'm not certain of its operating hours though, because sometimes when I'm passing by the area on the bus, the stall isn't in operation. But most of the time they should be there from late afternoon to early evening.

Duane waiting very excitedly and patiently for his sugarcane juice

Unfortunately, I don't have a photo of the sugarcane juice itself because Duane was very excited about his drink so it was finished really fast. It was strange for me to drink it though, because it was room-temperature (they don't serve it with ice). And also, they don't strain the juice before serving it, unlike the Singaporean hawkers, so you're left with bits of inedible sugarcane fiber at the bottom of your cup. Definitely a turn-off. But, I would drink this any day over the bottled versions of sugarcane juice sold in the supermarkets (if you can actually find them). 

Inevitable

Picnic with my EMP colleagues at Sheep Meadow in Central Park

I can't believe that it's already been 6 months of me living here in New York! And we're finally going into the last third of the year! Time passes way too fast.

11 July 2014 marked the last day of work for me at Eleven Madison Park, the #1 restaurant in North America and #4 in the world (based on the San Pellegrino's 2014 list). It was a bittersweet affair for me, because even though I detested the 330am wake up calls in the morning to get to work, work itself and the people that surrounded me there made everything better. Every day that I've spent in that kitchen only made me want to push myself and get better each day. "It can only get better from here", one of the many encouragements' I've heard going around the kitchen.

I really struggled for a couple of months to find my footing in the restaurant, and I'm glad I eventually did.

I was labelled the Black & Whites' girl, because I spent 4 months dipping those darn cookies. At one point, someone asked me how many I had went through since I started working at the restaurant. My estimate would be about 40, 000 cookies in those 4 months. Cutting, baking, dipping, sandwiching. Crazy amount. But I guess the most enjoyable part about dipping the sweet cookies would be the area I worked at itself (I don't think I'm allowed to mention of said place for several reasons, not that it's super secretive or something), because I have heard so many sighs and made so many conversations with a lot of the cooks and chefs. A very odd place to make conversation but nonetheless, those conversations actually made my day most of the time :)

Sweet B&W tops 

"And we start them simply; black and white cookies is the first station you enter into, so it's a little bit tedious but gets them thinking more so about detail. So there's pressure to make it perfect, but not a huge amount of pressure to be super-fast." - Chef Angela Pinkerton, from an article I read online.

Of course I managed to carry out other production projects when someone took over the B&W station, and I definitely have learnt so many things during my 5 months at EMP.

1. Tempering chocolate by hand! One of the most important skills as a pastry chef, in my books.

2. Make It Nice. The restaurant's motto/catchphrase, because we owe it to ourselves to serve the guests only the best and not anything less.

3. Pushing myself, no matter how stressful or demanding life gets. Because that's the only way to move forward.

It is inevitable to say goodbye to New York in a few weeks, but I've really enjoyed my time here and it's time to move on. I've met some incredible people and made some wonderful friends. It really was an amazing experience which was more than I could ask for.

With Ellen, Mike and Shante in EMP's kitchen

So what's in store for me next? It really is up in the air at this moment. I have the awful decision of deciding between two passports and that really would determine my course of action in the long term. Hopefully I'd have a clear idea of what to do once I get back to Singapore. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my vacation here in New York! :)

I have obviously done a lot more here in New York, and I even made a one week trip down to Toronto to visit Caro! So now with all the spare time I have, hopefully this space will be updated more frequently of the places I have visited, dined at and everything else under the sun!

Out and About

View of Lower Manhattan from Pier 5

It's been a crazy ride here in New York, and my time is almost up. So much for using this space to post about my experience in the Big Apple on a weekly basis or so.

My lack of updates definitely is due to the procrastinator in me, as well as being so drained from work that I just wanna laze around on my days off (besides doing laundry).

Work at EMP has been a roller coaster ride for me, with so many ups and downs. I found myself struggling a lot when I first started working in the morning production team, time management being the issue most of the time. I'm glad to say that I have finally gotten up to speed and it took me so much longer than usual, compared to my past experiences at various work places. There is definitely a lot for me to learn at EMP, but unfortunately I only have a month left there. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad, given that the working environment there is very intense and stressful. But I'm glad that I put myself through this, somewhere I never saw myself to be, because I know I will come out of here being a better cook, a better chef.

Commuting in New York & Homecooked Meals

Winter is finally coming to an end and Spring is hopefully arriving soon.

I'm still getting used to my new work schedule and commuting in New York is quite a pain sometimes. Because the trains run 24/7, there are bound to be some lines that undergo maintenance every week. So notices about which lines are affected for the following week or weekend are posted on several bulletins weekly in the stations, so it gives commuters a mental note on how to change their route to work/school/just commuting to places in general. Given that their system is quite efficient (more efficient that Singapore), it is still a total nightmare/headache for me to change my routine constantly because I enjoy routines :( Like how in the next month and a half, I'd have to start taking a bus then train to work rather than just taking trains and switching lines, because no trains will be running at the closest station near me at 4am in the morning for me to go to work. And so far my experiences taking buses hasn't been so great, given that I've missed my stops a couple of times and it makes it worse taking it at night/early morning because it's too dark to see any landmarks or road signs that might be familiar to me to navigate myself. Sigh. Okay long rant about commuting in New York.

This isn't a daily routine, but since I've moved here to New York, I find myself cooking a lot more on a weekly basis than I do in Singapore, because my grandmother has always been the one planning and cooking our meals back home since forever! And I must salute her, because she's got tons of recipes tucked in her back pocket and it's such a breeze for her. Every time I go grocery shopping here, I have to rack my brains to think of a menu and what I want to cook at home, what to buy, what my budget is... Very tiring just thinking about it HAHA! But my colleagues were surprised that I do cook at home, because a lot of them just eat out or consume TV dinners.

As you will see from the pictures below, a lot of the ingredients are the same because it's so hard to buy groceries to feed just one person!

Mac 'N' Cheese with Smoked Chicken Apple Sausage 

Yau Gai with Stir-fried Broccoli and Mushroom Omelette

Yau Gai (leftover, became super gelat!) with Garlic Mushroom Fried Rice

Sesame Chicken with Stir-fried Broccoli and Mushroom and Fried Rice with Smoked Chicken Apple Sausage 

Creamy Linguine with Smoked Chicken Apple Sausage with Fried Egg

Beef Stew Pasta with Mixed Vegetables 

Cheesy Scrambled Eggs, Mushrooms, Crispy Bacon, Toast with Peanut Butter and Jam and Peanut Butter Doughnut with Banana Cream from Doughnut Plant 

Yeap, simple homecooked food :) I have also made Beef Bolognese THREE TIMES since I've been here, but I've never taken a photo of it because it's something I cook at home too so it's really ordinary. I have witnessed a roommate from my previous lodging just heating up bottled pasta sauce and eating it with spaghetti. Disgusting. At least enrich it with ground meat or vegetables or something?? 

I feel like I've got a million things to blog about but no time to do so!! I am not exaggerating when I say work is really draining a lot of my energy. It's 6pm right now, but I'm so tired I just want to KO on the bed and sleep. But no, I shall go cook myself some dinner and probably have some ice cream for dessert~